UCHG to Start Selling Weekend A&E Camping Tickets
By Johnny Graham
Health service officials confirmed today that the A&E department at UCHG will indeed be selling weekend camping tickets from next Monday. The tickets which can be booked in advance online or purchased directly from Zhivago records on Shop Street go on sale at 8am, priced at €125 each. Although a spokesperson for the HSE reiterated that it would be best to try book online given the likelihood of queues at the record shop.
The move comes after months of extraordinary queues and lengthy waiting times within the department.
Staff at the A&E are sceptical of the move saying that it may only add to the incidents of “bush lushing” (Public drinking) that already occur in the waiting rooms.
Senior consultant Colin Williamson agreed that…” while staff’s concerns may end up being true; that it could also have the spin-off effect of being a relaxing area for staff to “chill out” after a long 15 hour shift and indeed be a good place to get the shift, especially for the nurses who only became involved in the profession to “bag” a doctor in the first place.”
Engineering firm Wigwam Construction – a firm favourite with the Government – have been enlisted with the construction of the “temporary” village within the current carpark area, which is situated outside the main 3 bedded emergency unit, which was again today overflowing with the sick, the dying and the scobbees using it as a GP service.
“We have thought of everything” boasted a confident Tom O Reilly, foreman for the company “things like temporary roads, portaloos, spare tents, ropes to keep lads in queues, everything”. The company has also been successful in acquiring the contract to build a replacement car park to replace the one being used for the campsite. “We will be future proofing the new carpark with all sorts a yokes to make sure it can be easily converted to an overflow camping area in the future too” Tom assured us.
Should the weekend camping prove successful in this trial the HSE will be hoping to engage consultancy firm Jensen Jensen Jensen & O’Connor to write a report on it, in order to roll it out throughout government minister constituencies.