Kerry Family To Sacrifice First Born Ahead Of Eclipse

Kerry Family To Sacrifice First Born Ahead Of Eclipse

The people of Kerry have already began to panic as their crude astronomical observations have foretold that a dragon may eat the sun tomorrow morning.

It has been long known in more advanced parts of Ireland that tomorrow’s events will be little more than the Earth’s moon coming between us and the Sun but that hasn’t assuaged the fears of the people of Kerry. The O Se family, who hail from a mountainous region near some place called Tralee, have began appealing to their God ‘Tsatilla’ to protect them from the coming darkness.

The family were spotting last night screaming at the sky in their tribal speak as local inhabitants lit fires and attempted to scare away the evil dragon that will consume them early tomorrow.

‘We are scared’ said Michael the family patriarch, ‘we will offer our son Michael tomorrow to appease the dragon. We shall batter him to death with clubs and then use his fresh blood to draw moon pictures on our faces and stuff. That should definitely work’.

Kerry County Council have told people to remain calm and that sacrifice will not be needed, ‘just hit a hurl of the lid of a bin a few times and the dragon will flee’ according to Councillor Se O Se-Keane.